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Kim Jong-un's New Year Resolution: More Nukes, Less Talk

In a bold New Year resolution, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has vowed to increase his country's nuclear arsenal, citing 'less talk, more boom' as his guiding principle. In a recent speech, Kim promised to replace all diplomatic talks with missile launches, ensuring that North Korea's voice is heard loud and clear. Analysts suggest that Kim's strategy is to make North Korea the world's leading fireworks supplier by 2025.

Rust Film Premiere: A Tribute to On-Set Safety

The film 'Rust', infamous for its tragic on-set accident, is set to premiere in Poland. Organizers promise a 'safe viewing experience', with metal detectors and Nerf guns for all attendees. Alec Baldwin, cleared of charges, is rumored to attend, but only if he can bring his own bubble wrap suit. The premiere aims to highlight the importance of safety in filmmaking, with a special award for 'Best Use of a Safety Harness in a Western'.

Austria's Neutrality: The Ultimate Invisible Shield

A recent survey reveals that Austrians are divided on whether their country's neutrality is an effective defense strategy. While some believe it's as protective as an umbrella in a hurricane, others argue it's more like a 'Do Not Disturb' sign for potential invaders. Politicians assure the public that neutrality is still the best way to avoid awkward international conflicts, like being asked to dance at a global military ball.

OpenAI Unveils 'Canvas': Now You Can Paint Your Code with AI

In a groundbreaking move, OpenAI has introduced 'Canvas', a new interface that allows users to paint their code and text. Inspired by the artistic process, users can now express their programming frustrations through abstract art. 'Finally, coding can be as messy as my love life,' said one enthusiastic developer. Microsoft, a partner in this venture, is reportedly working on a feature that will allow the AI to critique your art, ensuring that even your code can be a masterpiece.