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Home Office Surveillance: The New Reality Show

In a twist on reality TV, Australian companies have turned employee surveillance into a new form of entertainment. Dubbed 'Bossware Big Brother', employees compete to see who can work the longest without blinking. The winner receives a 'Golden Webcam' trophy and a year's supply of eye drops. Critics argue it's a dystopian nightmare, but producers insist it's 'just good fun'.

ÖVP Declares Victory in 'Green Deal Destruction Derby'

In a stunning display of political acrobatics, the ÖVP has declared the halting of the EU's deforestation regulation as a 'triumph for common sense'. Agriculture Minister Norbert Totschnig announced plans to replace forests with 'eco-friendly parking lots', claiming they will 'absorb more CO2 than trees ever could'. Environmentalists are reportedly speechless, possibly due to a lack of oxygen.

Turkish Schools Introduce 'Patriotism 101' with a Twist

In a surprising educational reform, Turkish schools have replaced Atatürk with a new curriculum focused on 'Patriotism 101'. The course includes lessons on 'How to Spot a Non-Patriot' and 'The Art of Nationalistic Selfies'. Teachers are now required to pass a 'Loyalty to the Nation' test, which includes questions like 'What would you do if you found a foreign flag in your classroom?'

Hurricane Milton: Florida's Newest Tourist Attraction

In a bold move to boost tourism, Florida has rebranded Hurricane Milton as an 'extreme weather experience'. Local businesses are offering 'Hurricane Survival Packages' complete with wind-resistant umbrellas and waterproof selfie sticks. The National Hurricane Center has partnered with theme parks to create a 'Hurricane Simulator' ride, promising guests a taste of 270 km/h winds without leaving the safety of their hotel rooms.