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CO2 Scandal: The Great Carbon Credit Heist

In a plot twist worthy of a Hollywood thriller, Austria's climate ministry has uncovered a massive fraud involving CO2 compensation deals with China. Dubbed 'The Great Carbon Credit Heist', the scandal involves energy giants like OMV buying dubious carbon credits to greenwash their emissions. Insiders claim the only thing greener than the companies' emissions are the faces of their PR teams.

NASA's $5 Billion Gamble: Finding Life or Just More Rocks?

NASA's latest mission, the Europa Clipper, is set to explore Jupiter's moon Europa in search of life. However, after a series of delays caused by Hurricane Milton and other 'cosmic inconveniences', the mission is now being dubbed 'The Great Space Rock Hunt'. Scientists are optimistic, claiming that even if they don't find life, they might discover the universe's largest collection of space pebbles.

Political Compromise: The New Extreme Sport

In a daring political maneuver, Austria's ÖVP, SPÖ, and Neos are attempting the impossible: forming a government without any of them actually wanting to. The plan involves a series of compromises so complex, even a Rubik's Cube would be jealous. The highlight? An independent finance minister who will juggle the budget while riding a unicycle. Experts predict this coalition will last as long as a snowball in a sauna.

Starfield: The Never-Ending Story of Unfinished Business

In a shocking twist, Bethesda's 'Starfield' has been rebranded as 'Star Wars: The Galactic Snooze'. Gamers worldwide are thrilled to explore over 1000 planets of pure, unadulterated boredom. Modders have taken it upon themselves to inject some excitement by turning it into a Star Wars game, complete with Stormtroopers and Luke Skywalker's Sandspeeder. Todd Howard, the mastermind behind this cosmic yawn-fest, insists it's their 'biggest game yet', presumably referring to the size of the players' disappointment.