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Politicians Don Rubber Boots for Election Season: The 'Flood Effect'

September 2024 – As large areas of Eastern Austria are submerged under water, politicians are rushing to the scene in their finest rubber boots. Reminiscent of Gerhard Schröder's 'Gummistiefelpolitik' during the 2002 Elbe flood, modern-day politicians are hoping to wade their way into voters' hearts. Experts warn that this 'Flood Effect' might just be a shallow attempt to gain sympathy votes.

Diddy’s New Album: 'Behind Bars' – A Legal Drama

New York – US rap mogul Sean 'Diddy' Combs has been arrested amidst multiple allegations of sexual violence and human trafficking. His lawyer, calling the charges 'unjust,' hinted that Diddy might release a new album titled 'Behind Bars,' featuring tracks like 'Innocent Until Proven Guilty' and 'Jailhouse Blues.' Fans are eagerly awaiting this unexpected twist in his career.

Trump's Golf Cart Escape: Secret Service's Newest Olympic Sport

Washington – Former President Donald Trump narrowly escaped an assassination attempt on his Florida golf course, thanks to the Secret Service's quick thinking and even quicker driving. 'We heard shots, and the next thing I knew, we were in the golf carts, speeding away like it was the Daytona 500,' Trump recounted. The Secret Service is now considering adding 'Golf Cart Evasion' to their training regimen.

Suspected Terrorist's Austrian Vacation Cut Short by German Police

Hof/Munich – A 27-year-old Syrian man, who had previously enjoyed a 19-month 'all-inclusive' stay in an Austrian prison for human smuggling, was recently arrested in Bavaria. The man, who apparently missed the 'hospitality' of European jails, was planning to 'machete' his way into the hearts of Bundeswehr soldiers during their lunch break. Authorities are now considering offering him a permanent 'residency' in a high-security facility.