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Austria's New Budget Plan: Flood Insurance for All

In response to the recent record-breaking floods, Austria has unveiled a new budget plan that includes mandatory flood insurance for all citizens. 'If you can't stop the rain, at least you can insure against it,' says the finance minister. The plan also includes a 'rainy day fund' to cover future natural disasters.

EU's New Travel Agency: 'Deportation Destinations'

In a bid to streamline deportations, the EU has launched a new travel agency called 'Deportation Destinations.' The agency offers one-way trips to Afghanistan and Syria, complete with 'cultural immersion' packages. 'Why just deport when you can deport in style?' says the agency's spokesperson.

Sean Combs' New Album: 'Live from the Metropolitan Detention Center'

In an unexpected twist, US rapper Sean 'Diddy' Combs has announced the release of his new album, 'Live from the Metropolitan Detention Center.' The album, recorded entirely from his cell, features tracks like 'Bail Denied Blues' and 'Prison Yard Cypher.' Critics are already calling it the most 'authentic' album of his career.

New App Teaches Civil Courage Without Leaving Your Couch

In a groundbreaking move, a new app has been launched that allows users to demonstrate civil courage without ever leaving their couch. The app, aptly named 'Couch Hero,' provides virtual scenarios where users can 'save' people in distress by simply tapping their screens. 'Why risk your life when you can just risk your Wi-Fi?' says the app's creator.