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Mediterranean Mystery Solved: It Was Just a Really Long Drought

Scientists have finally cracked the mystery of the Mediterranean's ancient drying up, revealing it was simply a case of Mother Nature forgetting to turn on the tap. The event, which left a million cubic kilometers of salt, is now being humorously referred to as 'The Great Mediterranean Salt Shaker Incident'. Researchers are now investigating if similar phenomena could explain the Sahara Desert.

Austrian Asylum Numbers Drop: Refugees Prefer Greek Sun to Austrian Alps

Despite an increase in arrivals in Greece, Austria's asylum numbers have mysteriously dropped. Experts suggest that refugees are opting to stay in Greece, lured by the promise of sun, sea, and souvlaki, rather than face the chilly embrace of the Austrian Alps. The Austrian government, meanwhile, is considering rebranding its asylum centers as 'Alpine Adventure Resorts' to attract more applicants.

Trump's Cabinet: Now Featuring Your Favorite TV Hosts!

In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads, Donald Trump has announced his latest cabinet pick: Sean Duffy, a TV host, as the new Secretary of Transportation. Duffy, known for his expertise in navigating the complex world of morning talk shows, is expected to usher in a 'golden era of travel'. Insiders say Trump's next pick might be a weather forecaster to head the Department of Climate Change.

Hong Kong Activists Sentenced for 'Dangerous' Acts of Democracy

In a shocking turn of events, 45 democracy activists in Hong Kong have been sentenced to lengthy prison terms for the heinous crime of advocating for democracy. The court, in a bid to protect the fragile state from the perils of free speech, handed down sentences ranging from four to ten years. The activists, part of the infamous 'Hong Kong 47', were found guilty of the most egregious act of all: wanting a say in their own governance.