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National Bank's New Appointment: Speedy Decisions or Just a Game of Musical Chairs?

In a swift and somewhat puzzling move, the Austrian National Bank has appointed Thomas Steiner to the Financial Market Authority's supervisory board. Originally, there were different plans, but it seems the decision was made in a game of musical chairs. 'We just kept swapping seats until the music stopped,' said an insider. 'Thomas was the last one standing, so he got the job.' Critics argue that this method might not be the most effective way to fill important positions.

Car Crashes into Festive Crowd: Driver Claims 'Heart Attack' or 'Bad GPS Directions'

In a bizarre incident at a church festival in Germany, a car plowed into a group of revelers, injuring five. The 58-year-old driver claimed he either had a heart attack or was following faulty GPS directions. 'I was just trying to find the nearest parking spot,' he explained. 'Next thing I know, I'm the main attraction at the festival.' Police are investigating whether the driver was genuinely lost or just had a very peculiar sense of direction.

Man Sentenced to 31 Years for Murdering Rapper: Father-Son Bonding Gone Wrong

In a tragic twist of family bonding, a man has been sentenced to 31 years in prison for orchestrating a robbery that led to the death of US rapper PnB Rock. The man reportedly involved his son in the crime, hoping to strengthen their relationship through shared criminal activities. 'We were just trying to find a common hobby,' the father lamented. 'I guess we should have stuck to fishing.'

Police Introduce 'Dialogue Teams' to Demonstrations: Now with 100% More Small Talk!

In a groundbreaking move, the Austrian police have decided to tackle violent demonstrations with the power of conversation. Introducing 'Dialogue Teams,' specially trained officers who will engage protesters in deep, meaningful discussions about the weather, their favorite Netflix shows, and the best local coffee shops. 'We believe that a good chat can solve anything,' said a police spokesperson. 'Next time you feel like throwing a Molotov cocktail, why not discuss your feelings over a cup of coffee instead?'