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New Parliament: More Academics, Fewer Women, and a Lot of Confusion

As the new Austrian parliament convenes, the overrepresentation of academics has led to a peculiar situation: debates are now conducted in Latin. 'It's a great way to keep the public in the dark,' said one MP. Meanwhile, the lack of female representation has sparked protests, with demonstrators chanting, 'We want more than just Latin lovers!'

Mahmud Abbas and Putin: Searching for Peace or Just a Good Vodka?

Palestinian President Mahmud Abbas met with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the BRICS summit, sparking rumors that the two leaders are more interested in sampling Russian vodka than solving the Middle East crisis. 'We discussed many things, but the vodka was definitely a highlight,' Abbas reportedly said. Observers remain skeptical about any real progress being made.

Austrian Army to Showcase New Tanks: Now with Cup Holders!

In an effort to modernize its image, the Austrian Army will unveil its latest tanks equipped with state-of-the-art cup holders at the National Day parade. Defense Minister Klaudia Tanner stated, 'Our soldiers deserve the best, and that includes a place to put their coffee during maneuvers.' Critics argue that the army should focus on more pressing issues, but Tanner insists that morale is key.

Boeing Workers Reject Offer: Demand Free In-Flight Snacks Instead

In a surprising twist, Boeing workers have rejected a 35% wage increase over four years, demanding instead that the company provide free in-flight snacks for all employees. 'We spend so much time in the air, it's only fair we get some peanuts and pretzels,' said union leader Chuck Wingman. Boeing executives are reportedly considering the proposal, fearing a shortage of pretzels could lead to further strikes.