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FPÖ President Declares Fraternities 'Essential' for Austrian Politics

In a recent interview, FPÖ National Council President Walter Rosenkranz declared student fraternities as 'essential' to Austrian politics, likening them to the secret sauce in a schnitzel recipe. Critics argue that this is just a ploy to distract from more pressing issues, but Rosenkranz insists that without these groups, Austrian politics would be as bland as a schnitzel without lemon. The statement has sparked a nationwide debate, with some suggesting that the next step might be to introduce fraternity-themed national holidays.

Georgian Election: A Tug-of-War Between Europe and Moscow

As Georgia heads to the polls, the country finds itself in a geopolitical tug-of-war. The ruling party, 'Georgian Dream', is accused of playing both sides, promising European integration while simultaneously cozying up to Moscow. Critics have dubbed this strategy 'The Double Agent Approach'. Meanwhile, the pro-European opposition is so fragmented that their campaign slogan might as well be 'United in Division'. As the election looms, Georgians are left wondering if their future lies in the EU or in a Russian nesting doll.

Amateur Athletes Challenge Pros: 'I Could Totally Beat You!'

In a bizarre trend sweeping the nation, amateur athletes are increasingly challenging professional sports stars to matches, convinced they can win. This phenomenon, dubbed 'Delusional Sports Syndrome', has seen everyone from weekend joggers to office ping-pong champions claiming they could take on the likes of Sofia Polcanova. Experts suggest this is a result of too much time spent watching sports highlights and not enough time actually playing sports. The syndrome is expected to peak during the next major sports event, where armchair athletes will once again rise to the occasion.

Apple Users Form Support Group for Ecosystem Breakup

In a shocking turn of events, Apple users have formed a support group to help each other cope with the emotional trauma of leaving the Apple ecosystem. The group, named 'iQuit', meets weekly to share stories of courage and resilience. Members discuss strategies to survive in a world without seamless device integration and how to handle the existential crisis of using a non-Apple product. The group has already gained a cult following, with some members even considering switching to Android as a form of extreme therapy.