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World Savings Day: Celebrating 100 Years of Hoarding

Despite low interest rates, Austrians continue to flock to banks on World Savings Day, lured by the promise of tiny gifts. This year marks the 100th anniversary of the event, originally intended to promote 'thrifty living.' Banks are now considering offering 'nostalgia interest rates' of 0.0001% to match the excitement of receiving a free pen.

Winter Arc: The New Year's Resolution Prequel

Move over January, November is the new month for resolutions! The 'Winter Arc' trend is sweeping social media, encouraging people to start their New Year's resolutions early. Experts claim that starting in November gives you a head start on failing your resolutions, allowing for a second chance in January. It's a win-win for procrastinators everywhere.

Kissing: Humanity's Ancient Parasite Extermination Technique

Forget romance, the origins of kissing might be rooted in the practical need to remove parasites. Scientists now believe that our ancestors, after losing their fur, continued the tradition of 'smooching away' unwanted guests. This revelation has sparked a new trend: 'Kiss and Clean' parties, where people gather to exchange bacteria and rid each other of imaginary parasites. It's the latest craze in holistic health circles.

China's New Warship: The World's Largest Floating Mystery Box

In a shocking turn of events, a massive Chinese warship was discovered purely by accident. Experts are baffled, debating whether it's a full-fledged aircraft carrier, a mobile drone sea base, or a research vessel launching planes for oceanic studies. Or perhaps, it's all three at once, making it the world's first 'Transformer' warship. Rumor has it, the ship was built in record time by a team of engineers who were promised unlimited dumplings for life.