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Germany's Political Drama: The Reality Show Nobody Wants to Watch

In a twist that surprises absolutely no one, a majority of Germans are calling for a new election, citing the current government as 'the most boring season yet.' 'We need more drama, more plot twists,' said one voter. Political analysts are now considering adding a 'vote them off the island' feature to future elections to keep things interesting.

US Military's New AI: Now with 100% More Ethical Dilemmas

In a bold move, the US military has decided to spice up their operations with AI tools from OpenAI. 'We figured, why not add a little existential crisis to our arsenal?' said General Langley. The military assures the public that the AI will only be used for 'peaceful' purposes, like deciding which snacks to stock in the mess hall. Meanwhile, ethicists are left scratching their heads, wondering if this is the plot of a new dystopian novel.

Ubisoft's NFT Game: The $64,000 Hero Nobody Asked For

Ubisoft has launched a new NFT game where players can purchase a hero for the price of a small house. 'It's a great investment,' said a Ubisoft spokesperson, 'because who wouldn't want to own a digital character that does absolutely nothing in real life?' Critics argue that the game is just a ploy to make players feel like they're investing in something valuable, when in reality, they're just buying pixels.

Earthquake in Innsbruck: Residents Demand Apology from Mother Nature

In a shocking turn of events, the residents of Fulpmes have filed a formal complaint against Mother Nature after a 3.6 magnitude earthquake dared to disturb their evening tea. 'We were just about to enjoy our strudel when the ground had the audacity to shake,' said local resident Helga. The community is now demanding a written apology and a promise that such disturbances will be scheduled at more convenient times.