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AI Jesus Offers Forgiveness, But Only If You Pass the CAPTCHA

In a bold move, a Swiss chapel has replaced its priest with an AI Jesus, who offers digital absolution to sinners. However, many have found the process challenging, as forgiveness is only granted after successfully completing a CAPTCHA. 'I came for forgiveness, not a test of my humanity,' one frustrated visitor exclaimed. The installation has sparked debate, with some praising its innovation and others lamenting the loss of human touch.

Retail Workers Consider Selling Organs to Afford Christmas

As the holiday season approaches, retail workers are faced with the grim reality of stagnant wages and rising costs. Many are considering selling non-essential organs to afford Christmas presents. 'I mean, who really needs two kidneys?' one worker mused. The retail sector hopes for a Christmas miracle, but workers are preparing for a Christmas surgery instead.

Scientists Discover Jo-Jo Effect is Actually a Yo-Yo

In a groundbreaking study, scientists have revealed that the infamous Jo-Jo effect is actually more of a Yo-Yo effect, with weight bouncing back and forth in a playful manner. The study suggests that epigenetic changes in fat cells are responsible, but also notes that the real culprit might be the irresistible allure of holiday treats. 'It's not just the fat cells,' one scientist noted, 'it's the cookies calling your name.'

Theater Legend Lore Stefanek Nominated for 'Most Persistent Actor' Award

After 55 years of tirelessly gracing German stages, Lore Stefanek has finally returned to Austria, only to be nominated for a Nestroy Award for her role as 'The Mother Who Never Leaves'. The award, which celebrates actors who refuse to retire, is a testament to Stefanek's dedication to the craft and her inability to find a hobby. 'I was terrible at ballet, but thankfully, equally terrible as Hans Neuenfels,' she reminisces, crediting her long career to a shared lack of talent.